yesterday, I visited an intuitive healer and what came from that session confused the crap out of me.
That bitch, you know the one that is telling me that I cannot be successful is actually my beloved.
What?
I am still working to wrap my head around it.
The healer asked me: "What do you want to do with her?"
I responded: be her mama bear? Made sense given my discoveries from yesterday.
Healer: Uh no; she needs no mama bear. She is pretty damn strong. She has been protecting you for over 43 years.
Me: Then why is she such a bitch?
Healer: Actually, you have not been listening to her deeply.
Me: You are crazy lady! This bitch wants me to fold and go in the corner and just evaporate into the creases of life.
Healer: Just sit with this ok?
So I went home and sat with her and then this morning I pulled out my journal and asked her.
"What are you doing? You keep telling me I am not good enough to be successful. So, how can your protection be good for me if you are keeping me from my God-Given Purpose?"
She responded: "You have been missing some crucial words in my communication:"
1. I love you and would die for you. I am your mama bear; the one your mother could not be.
2. What you have not heard: without me in the forefront you cannot succeed.
HUH?
She continued: I am your armor. I keep you protected from the criticism that would hurt you. Oh the criticism will still show up yet, I keep it from affecting you. I help you respond in a way that moves your forward.
You know how you are such a people pleaser and are afraid of rocking the boat? Well I am that lifesaver.
Maureen, I had an interesting experience the other week that this reminds me of. I was asked to step--physically, vocally, emotionally--into the energy of the "worried me" who sometimes runs the show. It was REALLY easy to find that space. And then I was asked to step into the other me, the one who's got things under control, and has faith, and can see the bigger picture. That was harder.
ReplyDeleteBut there was something really powerful about giving her space to breath, space to show up--space to FILL UP. She was out front in a way that's similar to your mama bear, your armor, ready to take the hits so creative, sensitive, attuned you can focus on the gentler work you're called to do.
I ended up shifting my "worried self" into a different position, with different responsibilities, so she could use her powers for good : ) and not have to worry about running the show. And I have to keep bringing in the other me so she can get comfortable in the driver's seat.
I literally delegated some tasks to my formerly-worried-self, and while I felt slightly crazy, she totally handled them. Acknowledging the different parts inside of us can feel strange and then liberating. I love this fierce warrior you now have protecting you.